


But the Way I Feel Will Remain the Same

by purpleeyesandbowties



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mako and Raleigh are platonic soulmates, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, all my faves are aro/ace/demi fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:56:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleeyesandbowties/pseuds/purpleeyesandbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh has never been in love. He has never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend for that matter. Raleigh sees Mako Mori for the first time and thinks 'holy shit'. Raleigh sees Mako Mori and thinks that maybe he'll finally fall in love.</p><p>He doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But the Way I Feel Will Remain the Same

**Author's Note:**

> My headcanon is that Hermann is demisexual. According to Newt, it only took two years of dating, the end of the world, and drifting with an alien for Hermann to know he wanted him. :)
> 
> As always, un-beta'd, all mistakes mine. Point them out and I'll fix them asap. Title lovingly taken from the song The End of All Things by Panic! At the Disco.

Raleigh has never been in love. He has never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend for that matter. He's never even been on a date. His brother, Yancy the serial dater and resident heart-breaker of the PPDC, always told him it wasn't a big deal and that some people just weren't cut out for dating. Raleigh sees Mako Mori for the first time and thinks _holy shit_. Raleigh sees Mako Mori and thinks that maybe he'll finally fall in love.

He doesn't.

He looks at her like she personally lit every star in the sky, and everyone thinks he's in love. He talks—no, gushes about her all hours of the day and everyone thinks he's in love. He hugs her and she hugs him back and they sit together for hours in perfect silence and everyone thinks they're in love.

They are not in love.

~~~

In the days after they close the Breech, they disappear for a while. They stay stuck to each other's sides because who else would understand what they need? They need each other and they need comfort.  
Raleigh thinks a lot about the two of them in those few weeks. He thinks about how nicely she fits in his arms, the way she sighs when her head rests against his chest. He thinks about how safe he feels sleeping in the room next to her, secure and content knowing she'll be there if the nightmares wake him, feeling safe in knowing she can count on him to do the same. He sleeps better than he has for the past five years.

He can hardly remember being this happy before. He thinks he could stay with her forever.  
He wonders if he is in love.

Their mini-vacation comes to an end. He knows it's been good for them both—Mako could grieve for her father in peace and Raleigh could be there for her if she needed him, which she often did. They did not speak much those weeks. They didn't need to. He didn't poke too hard at their mental bond. It thrummed between them, quiet, but there. His mind and heart were aligned with hers. He could tell before she came into the room that she was crying. She would be awake and in his room by the time the nightmares shook him from sleep. They would turn to each other at the same time. She would hand him the sweater he had just been about to ask for. He would know to make pancakes for her with bananas on the side after a hard night.  
It's been good for them, but they can't hide away forever. They agree one morning to go back, cold turkey. They're packed and ready to go by lunch.

Tendo greets them at the door to the Shatterdome. It's quiet, quieter than he remembers any Shatterdome being. Tendo smiles tiredly, hugs them both, and leads them inside. They walk through the halls, Mako and Raleigh unthinkingly in step. At the mess hall, Tendo says lightly, "You can go, if you want. Anyone who wants to go home is free to leave. About half the staff has packed up already." He indicates the nearly-barren mess hall. "Others of us have chosen to stay on. We're finally getting funding again, and there's a lot of mess to clean up. What do you guys think?"  
Raleigh doesn't need to look at Mako to know.  
"We're staying," she says firmly.  
"This is home," agrees Raleigh.  
Tendo's tense shoulders relax a bit. "I was hoping you'd say that."

That night, Raleigh can't sleep. He closes the door to his bunker as quietly as he can, but the squeaky hinges are as bad as ever. Mako's door creaks open. She blinks tiredly at him. He quirks his lips at her and she nods.  
"Come back if you get tired. I'll be up," she says.

He's surprised to see the mess hall isn't deserted. The entire K-science division is occupying one of the nearby tables. There's two coffee cups and a plate of crumbs sitting in front of them. Dr. Gottlieb has his leg stretched out over both of Dr. Geiszler's, and Geiszler is massaging it gently. They're talking in low tones and don't seem to be spitting insults at each other for once. Their relaxed postures and open expressions make Raleigh mentally switch from Gottlieb and Geiszler to Hermann and Newton. Despite this, Raleigh decides this is too peaceful of a moment to interrupt and turns to leave. Newton looks up and catches sight of him.  
"Hey, man," he calls, switching from German to English easily. He gestures to the other side of the table and Raleigh takes a seat cautiously.  
"What's up?" asks Newton, fingers still digging into Hermann's thigh determinedly.  
"Couldn't sleep," Raleigh says, shrugging.  
"Dude," says Newton. "I'm not stupid. I am well acquainted with that particular look. It screams identity crisis. Something's up."  
Raleigh groans, putting his head in his hands. Maybe it's the time of night, or the sleep deprivation, or maybe it's the weirdly tranquil atmosphere between the two doctors. Whatever it is, it convinces him to speak.  
"It's....about me and Mako."  
Newton and Hermann snort at exactly the same time.  
"What?"  
"Dude. I'm so not surprised by that I'm actually surprised. But sorry, continue."  
Raleigh sighs. "I don't know. I really like her. More than I've liked anyone before. I feel like. I don't know. We belong together? But like, also not like I want her to be my girlfriend. It's dumb, I know."  
"Hmm," Newt says pensively. Then, "you want to fuck her?"  
"What? No!"  
"You want to kiss her?"  
"No. Probably not."  
"But you want to spend all your time with her?"  
"Yes."  
"You're never gonna giver her up? Never gonna let her down?"  
"Newton..." Hermann cuts in. His voice has an edge to it, indicating this is not a joking matter. Newt sobers up accordingly, lacing his hand with Hermann's in silent apology. To Raleigh he says, "So maybe you love her, but that doesn't mean you have to be in love with her, ya know? It's a good thing that you don't want to fuck her, though, because she totally doesn't want to fuck you."  
Raleigh frowns. "How do you know? She talks to you about....me?"  
Newton chuckles.  
"Nothing bad, I promise. But seriously, Mako grew up in this Dome, okay? She came to me, the biologist, after Pentecost gave her the PG version of the sex talk. And since I'm the expert on queer around here, I was able to point her in the right direction. She's asexual. Doesn't feel sexual attraction. Sex-repulsed, if you're gonna be specific about it."  
"Oh," says Raleigh, because that makes sense, it really does.  
"I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told her like, ten years ago: do some research. You're not alone in how you feel. There's a billion things you could identify as, or none of them could fit you right. But the most important thing is being happy. Even if you can't find a label that works, you'll find a way to make it work."  
Newt looks at Hermann with tender eyes and softly kisses the back of his hand.  
"We did."

 

The research takes less than an hour, and Raleigh finally has a word for the ways he's always felt. Aromantic, he reads on an LGBTQA+ website he got from Newt, and he almost cries. He reads about queer-platonic relationships, and he actually cries. Mako reads the website link he emails to her (he's a coward, so sue him) and she almost cries too. Then she promptly launches herself at him and they hug for a long time. They fall over onto a tattered couch and wrap around each other so tight neither can tell where one starts and the other ends, and Raleigh has never loved cuddling this much in his life. She giggle-sniffs the word 'zucchini' under her breath again and again until she's half-asleep curled around him. He falls asleep listening to her breathing and doesn't even dream.

It's easy, easier than anything and they're happy, finally. Content and affection-soaked and they rely on each other in a way they never thought to before. Personal boundaries are gone, and it feels like a constant Drift, like two people in one, like coming home.  
They're constantly affectionate. Too affectionate, Tendo grumbles, on days when Alison has been gone on business for too long. They hug, hold hands, bump foreheads. Good-morning pecks on the cheek, goodnight forehead kisses. Kisses prescribed on temples as a post-nightmare medicine. Kisses pressed on backs of hands for good luck as Mako leaves for work restoring old Jaegers. Gentle hugs and absent back rubs throughout the day. Sweet, closed-mouth kisses on bad nights, nights when she needs them. They hold hands so often, people learn not to walk on Mako's left side, because the space will most likely become occupied by Raleigh at some point.

~~~

They get married for tax benefits, and because it feels right. Two years to the day after the Breach closes, Raleigh proposes. Gets down on one knee at the after party for the memorial ceremony. He's not one for great speeches, but he does his best.  
"Mako," he says, smiling up at her. "You know I love you. You're my partner—my Drift partner, my work partner, my life partner. I don't need to tell you how happy you make me, because you're inside my head as much as my heart. I'd love nothing more than for you to stay there. Marry me, Mako Mori?"  
She nods, nose crinkling up the way it does when her happiness can't be expressed with her smile alone.  
She grabs his hand, and he stands up fully, beaming at her. He slips the ring on her finger. It fits perfectly, like he knew it would.  
There's assorted clapping and cheers from the small gathering of friends, co-workers, and colleagues. Newt whistles loudly, and that makes Mako giggle. Instead of leaning in for a kiss, as most of their audience expects, they brush their noses against each other's, Mako favorite expression of affection. Newt whistles again, even louder, and they give a little bow to the room in general before exiting hand-in-hand.

The proposal isn't a surprise. They've talked it out—neither of them can imagine living without the other, and both of them desperately want a family, kids of their own. Raising kids together seems like a no-brainer. Mako offhandedly remarks one night that it would be easier to adopt if they were married, as adoption agencies seem to favor married couples over single parents. Raleigh feels a rush of relief at the idea. He immediately agrees, and that's that.  
Mako picks out a ring the next week and sets it at his place at the table.

The wedding is a bigger affair than either of them would have liked. Raleigh blames Tendo. He shows a surprising talent for organizing parties and puts his all into the wedding of two of his best friends. The only slightly busted up church is packed. Mako wears a light blue dress and carries a bouquet of yellow roses. Her usual blue streaks are dyed white for the occasion, and Raleigh tears up at the sight of her. They're both weepy that evening, for many reasons. For the family they've lost who won't see this day, for the friends they have that do, for the family they've found in each other and those around them. For a world that keeps spinning despite the invaders who tried to stop it. For themselves, who have found happiness where they were sure they would not be able to.  
The vows they wrote themselves, and include phrases like "drift compatible" "Jaeger pilots" and "zucchini". The priest is a bit thrown by this, but bravely soldiers on. Finally, he says, "I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may—" before the words "kiss the bride" can be said, Mako throws her arms around Raleigh for an enthusiastic bear hug. The priest stops, confused, and Raleigh silently thanks whoever is listening. He pulls back and places a kiss on her forehead.

Their wedding party becomes their kiss-shield for the night. Shortly after the best man (Tendo) and maid of honor (also Tendo) speeches are done and the attendees have settled down with their food, someone begins clinking their silverware against their champagne glass--a call for a kiss. Mako and Raleigh look at each other—neither of them had remembered this particular custom until this very moment—but before they can do anything, Newt stands up abruptly, dragging Hermann up with him. To everyone's surprise, Newt pulls Hermann into a deep kiss. The clinking stops almost immediately. Newt winks at the audience and sits down. A red-faced Hermann sits down and stabs his cane into Newt's foot. "A little warning, if you would!" he hisses.  
Newt shrugs. "They wanted to see a kiss, and we gave them a kiss. Mako and Raleigh didn't want to do it. Consider it a wedding present for them."  
Hermann says, "Well, I suppose, for Miss Mako and Mr. Beckett..."  
"You loved it, dude."  
Hermann rolls his eyes. Mako mouths "thank you" at him from down the table, and he decides he doesn't really mind after all.  
Half an hour later, another round of chimes sounds, and the good doctors do a repeat performance, leaving Mako and Raleigh laughing helplessly behind them.  
It only takes two more times (co-starring Tendo and Alison, once they get the memo) before the guests figure out the bride and groom aren't going to kiss for them.

~~~

They adopt a small hoard of orphans.  
The Kaju war has left behind no small number of broken families, and Mako and Raleigh have no small amount of love to share between them. They adopt as many kids as the adoption agency will let them, determined to do what they can to relieve the suffering. God knows they have the money for it now.

Once all eight of their children have grown and taken their places in the world, they retire to Japan. They live in a small cottage where Mako spent her summers. They live out their days in relative peace and quiet. They go down in history books, legends to be told and retold again, but that part doesn't matter to them. What matters to them is that they both got a happier ending than they had planned on.


End file.
